We all profess to want a man who will share, but be careful what you wish for ladies! We have all read about men liking a little mystery, how short skirts and low tops are very titillating, but the sexiest women are the ones who leave a little to the imagination. Showing too much makes things too easy for them (sorry ladies from Essex), please don’t take offence, I understand that there is a ‘cultural’ element involved, that includes being more orange, longer acrylics, bigger hair and bigger breasts. This may be due to some very solid advice from the 80’s got lost in translation over the years, as we all heard that ‘breast is best’! We are not so different to men; we like to leave a little to the imagination too, especially where our men are concerned. You think you want to know it all, but that takes away the fantasy of our perfect man, why do you insist on spoiling things for yourself by insisting they share every thought that passes through their head? You are better off not knowing. The same can be said of their past, you don’t need to know.

After opening the proverbial flood gates, and convincing my man (obviously an ex man now), to open up about his past, in an attempt for me to know him better, I now couldn’t close them! He regaled stories of his past that made my hair curl! The illusion was shattered. I learnt that not only did I not want to hear about his past conquests, and the stud muffin stallion he was prior to meeting me, and the page three beauties that he could have had, I also found myself morbidly curious, and wished that some of the stories he told me about handcuffs, did actually result from his sex life, and not his encounters with the police! The fantasy faded, as the tales became less ’50 Shades of Grey’ to more ’50 Buzz Kills to Say’.

So, before you convince your man to share everything, remember this… his past will never be as wonderful as your imagination, so why not just leave it there and enjoy the here and now.

Come on guys, where is your confidence gone? You must have realised by now that men and women are attracted to different things, and top of the list for a woman isn’t a 6 pack, a full head of luscious hair, cultivated by rubbing in the extract of an unpronounceable reptile, who’s habitat is deep in the Amazonian rain forest, and costs more than the national debt of Europe to acquire! (Leave that for us, our hair lasts longer and needs far more maintenance!

No, what we want is confidence.

Men often complain to me that no matter how nice they are, they just can’t find a nice woman. Many men have come in to my life and fallen in to the dreaded abyss of the ‘Friend Zone’ before the first meeting is over…. These are the men that make too much effort, that constantly seek approval for everything they do. Do I think they look nice? Honestly, that isn’t that important! Don’t get me wrong, if you turn up in a Rupert the bear style jacket, slacks and pumps with no socks, I’m going to find you more amusing than nicely dressed, even if you accidentally leave the price tag on and it cost more than my last months’ rent, but if your clean and ironed, then I’m good thanks. Where do I want to eat? If you don’t like pizza, then say no to my suggestion of the Italian down the road! Stand up for yourself.

I would much rather go somewhere that we can both enjoy than sit watching you weep in to your margarita worrying about how the wheat intolerance you have developed is going to cause us some embarrassing moments later in the evening!!

When you look around, you see so many beautiful women with mediocre men, and ask yourself how they do it, well, the simple answer is, they are mediocre MEN, and we want a man! If you seek approval constantly, you’re going to make a woman feel like your mother, and let’s face it, after a woman has children, and realises how much hard work they are, who wants to take on the role again, knowing that this one could be for life! Enter….. The Friend Zone, where she likes you, your harmless, she can help you out and pander to your ego, but in small doses. She can step away for a break when you get to needy. But romantic feelings…. Forget it, isn’t ever going to happen my friend.

Now, having a lot of men in my life that are just friends, we have managed to move forward and I get to hear all about the problems they encounter with other women that come in to their life. It seems to me that women make a lot of the same mistakes. As much as men think that being super nice is the way to a woman’s heart, and are disappointed and surprised that it doesn’t work, but when I point out that the complaints they have about certain women that come in to their lives are due to the same behaviour that I have spent months knocking out of them, they are shocked!

Clingy women who can’t say no!

Yes, we’ve all done it. You meet a man, who maybe has a friend like me… They try a new approach, they act cool, they stand up for themselves, and suddenly, like magic, the woman feels the attraction. They wonder if this could be the one! They start to fantasize, they wait for the calls, they text little ‘night night’ messages, they call just to see where he is, what he’s doing, asking if he misses her. Meanwhile, the man has realised that he likes the games at the beginning, he wants to miss her, to look forward to seeing her, but you’re not giving him the chance to try out his new skills, your smothering him. He then gets bored and slowly but surly backs off.

A woman always seems to want the opposite of what she has, so giving her everything results in her wanting a little space, when you give her less, she wants you more.

When the man has run for the hills, it’s then the girls that come around to me complaining that they did everything for this man, always put him first, cancelled plans (some with me I might add!) to meet him for a last minute date. Well more fool you girls; you just had what you wanted and you drove it away!

It seems that we always want what we can’t have, that is human nature, and has allowed us to evolve. We strive for more, we fight for what we want, and it gives us a fizz in our tummy that fortunately isn’t caused by too much bread, so it’s a good fizz. Depriving your suitor of this is cruel!

Men and women are so different, but so alike

Today’s advice is; it’s good to say no sometimes! Actually, it’s essential to say no! See your friends, go have fun, no man will ever replace them, so don’t give the girls time to replace you in your absence, after all, you will want someone to dress up in a bridesmaid dress one day!

Ladies… Why are you taking advice about your relationships and your men from the likes of Cosmo and Marie-Claire? These are written by women who know nothing about men!  Taking this advice is going to cause you more harm than you can possibly imagine. If men took all their relationship advice from their magazines, imagine the catastrophes that would ensue due to the helpful tips supplied by Nuts magazine, or those interesting educational articles supplied by Play Boy?  Take it from me, a single woman fast approaching middle age, who has followed this advice for many years.  The fact that I am single shows that this advice doesn’t work.

Men are different

There is much truth to the saying that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.  We share DNA, but let’s face it, we also share 98% of our DNA with monkeys, and not many of us would consider a relationship with a chimp!  Don’t get me wrong, we are alike in many ways; we have arms and legs, though men’s are stronger and hairier, we both have hair, but we ours can withstand bleaching, curling, straightening and colouring, whereas men, the poor things, can groom, oil and condition, and generally it can’t withstand the trauma, and thins and falls out at a rather rapid pace. We both have hands, theirs are great for opening jars, and ours are good for threading needles and other fiddly delicate tasks.  You see, as alike as we are, we are also poles apart.  Despite all of the physical attributes that we differ in, the major difference I’m afraid to report is in how we think.

Men are hunters, they like a challenge, and if you follow the advice of the aforementioned magazines, cooking him 3 course meals on the first date, massaging his shoulders after a hard round of golf and the likes, then they have no chance to chase, no chance to appreciate, and you will be, like me, wondering why there are no good men left in the world.

You have to think like a man

I have now learnt that in order to make a man happy, you sometimes have to think like a man.  Embrace their quirky thought patterns and enjoy where it takes you.  For example, you have men that forgo romance by using the excuse that they don’t have a very good imagination, are not creative enough to think what to do.  In this case, you can prove how wrong they are by doing the following:  plant the idea that they should join a gym; this works better if you have mastered the art of making your man think that something was his idea.  Maybe comment that a man friend at work has joined and you can’t believe how ‘ripped’ he looks so quickly, and later that night, rub his tummy whilst saying ‘awe, so cuddly’.  He will buy his membership the next morning.  Over the following weeks, see how many excuses he comes up with not to use it, and then point out just how creative he is after all!

Men, you can use cunning tactics to please your woman too…  Here is a little tip for you

A couple of weeks before your special ladies next Birthday, or Christmas, or valentine’s day, get excited and tell her that you have already got her a great present, and see if she can guess what it is.  Throw in some clues i.e. it’s something you really want, I know you’re going to love it, and then make a note of the list she gives you and you are good to go, safe in the knowledge that providing you stick to that list, you will have got something that she will love, and if you’re lucky, may even earn you the chance of one of the ‘woman’s tips’ that appear in Nuts Magazine.  Happiness and harmony is easy if you play to your strengths.